I'll be absent for a while

Hi Everyone,

I won’t be around as much. I’m currently going through some real mental struggles and my favourite things to do such as playing around with my install, thrashing out good Metal tunes are causing me to have panic attacks. Work is a nightmare lately and i am on extended leave to try and get myself right.

I will be dropping in from time to time but I need to get these panic attacks under control. I will be back. Please keep this place humming and keep up the already awesome conversation that goes on here.



Get better soon mate !

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Good luck on your path to inner peace.


Peace and Get to feeling better bud!


Take your time, come back stronger.


A constant diet of Death, Black, etc., metal is detrimental to anyone’s overall cerebral being. I don’t mean to sound flippant, but as far as music, try a bit more song then that strum and drang. There is no way I can be inspired and not depressed by all that dissonance and machinery of what I see you listen to when you post what you listen to on that thread. It sounds like constant hell, and I say this as one who plays, arranges, and writes music. While I can dig some of it, I can’t listen to it for more than one or two songs, they don’t sing.

Take a break from that, find some new music. Try something new. It’s time man, maybe shit just got old, and you’re not. You’re still young and a big strong bastard, I see that in your pics working in your yard. We love you man, just hang in there and breathe.


Thanks everyone for the well wishes, I didn’t realise your could post once a thread was closed as this was more of a heads up if I seem absent. It’s going to be a long process. I’m not back at work until the 6th of December when I start my new job it seems.

@drummer, it’s not the music man. Metal is very calming for me. What I put it down to is that my online, Linux and Metal lives are my escape from work, my time to disconnect and to escape from it all. Unfortunately, being this “disconnect” they are in a way actually connected to my work. It’s fucking hard to coherently explain.

I’ve been messing around in my garage sorting out all my tools, I have a new bigger tool box I am transferring all my tools from my massive great tool chest into. My workbench is all setup for the first time since I moved in (almost 15 years ago), my lathe is finally accessible and my garden is looking amazing. I have repaired my broken mountain bike and I plan on starting the gym next week and going with my son Tompa. I am having my first beer in a week (not counting the one I had with my wife out to dinner for the 18th wedding anniversary).

This is the first time since about Thursday with out any palpitations and breathing issues when using the computer. To put it all in perspective I was in hospital last Friday with a suspected heart attack, tests came back fine so they are saying it is some sort of panic or stress attack (second one this year). I had chest x-rays, multiple blood tests and ECG’s.

I’m not sleeping and talking about work or about anyone from there sends me into an attack.

The cool thing out of all of this is that I have realised that people actually do give a flying fuck about me, the amount of support I have received has blown me away. My wife and kids have been amazing (as usual), my parents and my younger sister (who I am very close to) as well.

It’s a hell of a way to get a break from the rat race of life but I am making the most of it.

Thank you again to everyone here for the kind and caring words. It means a lot, it really does.

I shall return.


I’m hanging out here a bit more…sorta…motivation for anything is at all time low levels. Even fun stuff for me, like drinking and headbanging just haven’t been happening. Gardening of all things has been my outlet lately.


Take your time. Yep gardening might be a good to do for a change !

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Could you come over tomorrow and prune my fruit trees? I really don’t feel like doing this. :wink:


I think you are right, not to sound cheesy but I found it very relaxing.

I could but I have more of a black thumb than a green thumb. You may end up with fruitless trees.


“I have the perfect solution for your lockdown blues. Come over and do shit the wife has been on my ass to do. Oh and bring beer and bacon too. She has my ass on a diet”.